Fear
Emotions are things we learn to control, to place somewhere deep where they won’t show or play a part in how we conduct ourselves. I am sure many people wonder if Killers still feel since there is hardly anything showing. How little do they know of the constant battle that many killers fight when they truly wish to stay within their codes and wish to remain safe. Each sign of care could be used against one, any sign of fear could be exploited.
Being a killer and having endured pain, torture, loss but also love, joy and commitment will need to learn to stay cold to the outside world. If I let myself be guided by a single ihn of fear I might lose my life. A plain fact which is one that is a constant point of attention when lads follow the training to become of the caste. A moment of anger, disappointment, impatience and your instantly punished severely.
Years have gone by and with each year it seemed to come more easy. Perhaps with each year the age helped me to become more distant to those feelings that so many Gorean men celebrate daily.
My emotions are deep ebbed within me, the fear of facing an enemy as the Kurri. The fear of losing my girl Sephi because some fellow wished to steal her. Those emotions are hidden, covered up by harshness and demands. They might play a role when I am alone with my thoughts but during any interaction in public they are lifeless almost non-existent.
Writing down this I realize that I even though old, and perhaps faced with numbers of difficult quests I still wish to better myself, learn more, so I will be able to keep on the side that wins. The side that kept his wits and coolness and defeats his demons, his battles based on skills.
I might be the cold heartless killer in your eyes, but in my dreams I am still living with the same emotions as any other has. The only difference is the iron control and the realization that those same emotions can make the difference between life and death.
Crows Murder 
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