Wild currents
At times you sit there in wonder as to what all has happened and how one should proceed. Those moments of reflections are at times those haunted dreams that can keep one awake, and I would be dishonest if I said mine are any different.
I am fully aware that I wasn’t born to be this killer. I know I wasn’t destined to be ruthless and cruel to others and yet I know that my life has taken a change in the past that justifies that what I am today.
When I found my companion and children killed by the Kurii I have not given myself the time to grief over the loss I experienced. Still I know that even if I had, I wouldn’t ever be the scarlet I was before. How could I follow blindly when the Ubar that was in command was such a fool and only out to claim more regardless of the consequences it held for those that lived under his leadership.
Perhaps some might think I had it all and threw it away without any consideration, but what would I have owned now if I had just accepted the life of a Scarlet that would go of to war, simply because the Ubar told me so? I might still have that red, that makes me look more handsome than this black. I might have found this new and amazing companion to build up a family again. But what kind of man would I have been?
Somewhere between all these thoughts and questions, I know that what I am now is the man I wish to be. Even though I regret that taking lives is needed, it serves a purpose. The Ubar I once followed so blindly made me experience this for myself. Yes, I take lifes for gold. Not because I feel the greed, but because if there wouldn’t be any high price, people might call upon us sooner. Perhaps their reasons would be far less honourable than they are now. Truth to be told, that I don’t hold my clients in high regard, most of the time. They take perhaps the easy route, while there are still other options left.
I am aware that many of my brethren aren’t so picky to who calls upon their profession. Perhaps it was my luck that I am able to be this way, since in my time there weren’t that many that were in this dark and sinister trade. I have earned my living more than once and for gold I don’t have to bother.
And now I am here, looking over a river that seems to be quite telling in how I feel. The current most deadly and the screams from behind me seem to cry out murder. An atmosphere of restlessness that seemed to be here was the reflection to my inner feelings. I would smirk or laugh to those that think we have no emotions. What fools they are to think that we don’t hold anger, resentment, rage, care or even love.
I know that behind me in the most sinister tavern there was this man, my old mentor when I redid my training to get the desired book. The old mentor had returned and since I never forgot how he had trained me before his sudden departure, I can’t help to feel blessed to be in his presence again. Perhaps he is more the man I wished to be than the cold and merciless Serpent. Both mentors had their own talents and skills and I wish I could say I have them both, but the skill of Serpent in handling steel, I can’t match.
There are only a few that I respect in these high regards, Sol and Scar are two of the five that I have in this position of looking up to them. Even if I had my own share of what comes with the caste, these men seem levelheaded and brutally honest to what should be considered the training of the Caste of Assassins. They share the same dream I have and with that I have this hope that with the right minds it might get back to business again.
I am aware that this dream might have different views or thoughts as to what the dream really entitles.
If I had to share it or speak of it, I would say that it is the true council of the Caste of Assassins. A place, where all killers that have proven their worth by their book, come to debate and discuss topics. That place where we can set the standard as to what is right and what might not be. The one spot where everyone leads and everyone listens to what another has to say. Each voice should be heard to reach eventually something that can be considered the true way of the Caste of Assassins.
Of course I am aware that some of the men that are my brothers in the Caste are far from willing to compromise. They are fierce and cunning men, harsh and uncompromising. They are all men that have to face death and deal with it in their own personal way. Why would they wish to unite and share their views when there is none able to demand such? Why would they use their precious time to politics when they can rule their own turf in the way they see fit?
I guess there is the difference between those that share the dream and those that don’t. So perhaps although I have faced the darkest sinister scenes and yet I am in my heart still that young boy that scared Bosks by spreading his arms and calling them names. An idealist, a fool or perhaps just someone that wishes to prevent what once was. That the caste of Assassins will be outcasted again, since none dares to look at themselves but rather point to others where they go wrong.
And now I face these strong currents in this river. Hear the screams of torture that hold that fear for death. I stand here, alone and I feel that inner beat of my heart that so desperate wish to work on that dream once again. I know I have made enemies in my time, even with some in my own Caste. But with this trust that the men here in this present have all the skills needed I would like to vow my blood to those that carry the dream.
Crows Murder 
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